My postnatal story

My daughter, Sienna, was born on her due date at home in our living room. The happiest moment of my life and the start of the most life-changing role beginning.

Our fourth trimester was the toughest period of my life. I thought that because I’d wanted to be a mum since I was basically in year six that I would find motherhood easy, but I didn’t.

Postnatally we were thrown a myriad of challenges with tongue tie, breastfeeding issues and postnatal anxiety. My mum was also diagnosed with breast cancer three weeks before Sienna arrived and was going through treatment just after she was born. Not having my own mother around me postnatally had a huge impact on my fourth trimester. Many mothers I have spoken to talk of needing motherly energy around them, someone to wrap them up in a warm hug and tell them it is going to be okay.

We sadly didn’t have a village around us, we felt quite alone and there wasn’t anyone there to hold our hand and guide us through these early days of parenthood. My husband, Rob, went back to work as a teacher after two weeks and I have never felt such loneliness and desperation.

The following weeks, I spent Googling Sienna’s little issues at 3am in the morning, signing up to online courses on reflux, watching Instagram videos that only made me feel worse. I tracked her feeds, I tried to follow the feeding plan that the hospital had given us, I went to infant feeding clinics in the hope someone would be able to save our breastfeeding journey. I got confusing messages from healthcare professionals, I was told to go on medication for my anxiety, I continued Googling. Those first twelve weeks were a messy blur. I felt depleted, exhausted, unsupported and sleep deprived. I wanted someone to save me, to support me or at least to fast forward time for me.

Our fourth trimester didn’t break me though, in fact, I have come out stronger and more resilient. I wanted to turn adversity into opportunity so when Sienna was six months old, I started my training to become a postnatal doula with Younique Postnatal.

I was able to process what happened in our fourth trimester, I saw a therapist and I wrote down and worked through our postnatal journey. I’ve done a lot of reflection and a lot of research on matrescence and the huge transition of becoming a mother.

I never want any other mum to feel how I felt. I want to help new families navigate the transitional experience of parenthood. Listening, holding space, nourishing and nurturing new mums. Encouraging them to trust their intuition and guiding them as they find their way with a new baby.

Alongside being a mum to Sienna, I love all things natural health and I am trained in a natural healthcare system called kinesiology. I adore musicals, yoga, baths, cooking and meeting new people. I used to have a career in travel PR and have lived in Australia, New Zealand, France and Spain. I live in a little white cottage in Thames Ditton now and adore the community in our village.